Friday, July 21, 2006

Course correction

I really like people being blunt with me. Hmmm ... ok, I may not appreciate it immediately, or I may not admit to them that they are right (I've got this thing called "pride" you know), but over a period of I do appreciate their frankness.

A very dear friend of mine told me recently - "I think you are too judgemental and critical about yourself. You demand a high standard from youself. And, consequently, even if you judge others a fraction of what you judge yourself, they'd still feel that they are being judged by you and found wanting. They think you are arrogant and snobbish, even though you aren't. Because, they won't know or care how much more you demand of yourself. The solution is not to judge yourself, and instead accept yourself as you are"

On the spot, my pride didn't allow me to like, but for politeness' sake I told her I'd think about it, and I did think about it, and I must admit she was brutally right. It has been one of the greatest pieces of constructive criticism I've ever received. This was some aspect of me that I hadn't known before. I was similarly surprised when, at the time of leaving Netscaler, the general feedback was "we miss your dedication, passion and aggression" ... Dedication and passion, yes, I was, but aggression ? I never knew I came across as aggressive.

From past experience, I know that spirituality gives me the confidence and the courage to claim that personal change is indeed possible and in fact, very easy. I was really terrible in my early years of engineering ! The change starts from inside - at the heart - and gradually exposes it outside. It has been compared to the blooming of a flower ...

The trouble is knowing where the change is needed. Once it is known (as is the case here), and once I'm convinced from my heart that it is indeed required, and is aligned to the spiritual goal, then change is natural. The actual change itself shouldn't take time - it can be happen in a fraction of a second, but preparing myself for it - mentally, spiritually and egoistically, takes time.

The future promises to be great adventure ... let us see how it turns out !


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